One day, a junior was joking around with me, and I felt that his jokes were hitting my ego. So, I thought, let’s talk about ego and figure out what it is and what it isn’t. How bad or good it is, whether we can escape it, and how much it benefits or harms us.
I started researching and reading books. I listened to some podcasts and a lot of Osho’s audios, which explain a lot about ego. I prefer to keep any article short so you can understand more with less effort. So, let’s dive into it together and explore what ego is all about.
Let’s learn about ego together today.
What is ego?
According to Wikipedia, ego is:
Psychological Aspect: In psychoanalytic theory, ego is one of the three parts of the human psyche, alongside the id and the superego. It serves as the rational part that mediates between our primal desires (id) and our moral conscience (superego).
Self-Identity: Ego can also refer to a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.
Simplify:
Ego as a Mediator: Think of the ego as a middle manager, trying to balance the wild desires of the id and the strict rules of the superego.
Ego as Self-Esteem: It’s also our self-view, how important we think we are, and how we present ourselves to the world.
Ego as a Balancer: Imagine your mind has three parts: one wants everything right now (the id), one wants to follow all the rules (the superego), and the ego is the part that tries to balance these two. It’s like a referee or a middle manager in your brain.
Ego as Self-View: It’s also how you see yourself and how important you think you are. Your ego is your sense of self-worth.
With Example:
Ego as a Balancer:
Craving Cake at Midnight:-
Id: “I want to eat that entire chocolate cake right now!”
Superego: “You shouldn’t eat cake at midnight. It’s unhealthy and against your diet.”
“Let’s have a small slice now and save the rest for tomorrow. Balance!”
Studying for an Exam:-
Id: “I want to watch TV and relax instead of studying.”
Superego: “You must study all night without any breaks to get the best grades.”
“I’ll study for an hour and then take a 10-minute TV break. That way, I stay focused and relaxed.”
With Example:
Ego as Self-View:
Receiving a Compliment:-
Healthy Ego: When someone says, “Great job on the presentation,” your ego lets you feel proud without becoming arrogant.
Inflated Ego: You think, “Of course, I did a great job. I’m the best!”
Low Ego: You think, “They probably didn’t mean it. I could have done better.”
Facing Criticism:-
Healthy Ego: If someone says, “You need to improve your work,” your ego helps you think, “Okay, I’ll work on it and do better.”
Inflated Ego: You think, “What do they know? My work is perfect!”
Low Ego: You think, “I knew I wasn’t good enough. I’ll never get it right.”
At least we’ve learned that ego can be healthy; it’s just a matter of changing your perspective. Let’s see what some great thinkers have said about ego: Naval Ravikant, Osho, Sigmund Freud, Lao Tzu, Socrates, Buddha, and Kabir.
Thoughts on Ego:
Naval Ravikant: “The more you know, the more you realize how little you know. The more you realize you don’t know, the less of an ego you will have.”
Osho: “The ego is your problem, but it is also your greatest potential. Drop the negative part and use the positive part to grow.”
Sigmund Freud: “The ego is not master in its own house.”
Lao Tzu: “He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened.”
Socrates: “The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.”
Buddha: “The root of suffering is attachment.”
Kabir: “Ego is a veil between humans and God.
Negative Parts of Ego:
Limited Perspective: We fail to consider all options because we believe our viewpoint is the best.
Lack of Freedom: We trap ourselves in a web of our own making and lose our sense of freedom.
Isolation: We cut ourselves off from others, becoming isolated and disconnected
Resistance to Change: An inflated ego makes it hard to accept new ideas or feedback, stunting personal growth.
Conflict and Stress: Constantly trying to prove ourselves can lead to unnecessary conflicts and stress.
Insecurity: Behind the façade of confidence, an inflated ego often hides deep-seated insecurities.
Loss of Authenticity: We might start living to impress others rather than being true to ourselves.
Some Positive Parts of Ego:
Confidence: A healthy ego helps you feel confident in your abilities and decisions.
Motivation: It drives you to achieve your goals and push through challenges.
Self-Respect: A balanced ego fosters self-respect and ensures you stand up for yourself.
Resilience: It helps you bounce back from setbacks and maintain a positive outlook.
Leadership: A healthy ego can make you a strong and decisive leader.
Ambition: It fuels your ambition and encourages you to strive for success.
Self-Awareness: When balanced, the ego helps you understand your strengths and weaknesses
Alternatives to Ego
Build a Diverse Identity: Define yourself in many ways. For example, you might be good at your job, enjoy motivating others, love cooking and writing, and be an avid reader. When you have a multifaceted identity, it’s harder for anyone to target your ego because you excel in many areas. If someone criticizes one aspect, like your cooking, it won’t shatter your confidence because you have other strengths to fall back on.
Be Humble: Strive to help others and maintain humility. Remember that everyone has their own struggles and problems. If you think deeply, you’ll realize that everyone is mortal and will face the end eventually. So why clash egos? What’s the point?
By embracing these alternatives, you can create a balanced, resilient self that isn’t easily shaken by criticism or challenges.
Completing the Story
Let’s bounce back to my story
So, this junior made jokes at my expense, and I felt like my ego was getting targeted because there were other people around, and I was the senior. After a bit of reflection—and maybe a longer pause than I’d like to admit—I decided to think through the situation.
First, I considered whether he was actually trying to target me or just being playful. Second, I realized that if he didn’t understand how to communicate properly, it might be my responsibility to explain how and when it’s appropriate to joke around. Third, I wanted to test how I felt internally in such situations. Was my reaction influenced by his junior status, or would I have felt the same way if it were another senior?
I had many questions about why I felt this way, whether I was overthinking based on someone’s position, or if it was something else entirely. So, I decided to just smile and make him feel comfortable, thinking, “It’s not about positions; it’s about whether the jokes are funny or not.
My takeaway is this
Either I continue to reflect on why I reacted the way I did and ask myself deep questions, or I view this as a learning experience. Maybe his jokes were his way of being cool, or maybe they were just meant to entertain. I try to help him, I might even end up discussing joke writing with him and whether he wants to pursue comedy. Who knows? Maybe we’ll end up collaborating on jokes and understanding each other better.
Now you might be getting bored reading this lengthy article, just as I do when I find myself skipping over repetitive points written in different ways just to extend the length of a post. So, I’ll end it here. If you found any benefit from this article, consider it a byproduct of my curiosity. Bye bye!